I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
