1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
