If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it penis luge time yet?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
