Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
