So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
