just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
