I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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