Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
