All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
