you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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