Got a toothbrush?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
