On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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