I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I looked at my own cervix.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
