He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
