I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
