i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to calm my uterus...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
