tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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