I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
