her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
