A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
