I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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