You can't motorboat a personality
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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