i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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