yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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