her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
