Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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