New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
