Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
