She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
