Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
