his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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