what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
