I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
