Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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