too bad you live with your parents still
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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