Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
