In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
