I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
