First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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