Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
