I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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