This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
