honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
