I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
