I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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