The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
