i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
