I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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