Im at strip club and am horny
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
