thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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