Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
